The Chick's Superbowl

For those who missed the Big Game yesterday, here is a chick's take on the game (aka. all the ramblings that the husband refused to listen to). I am not really a big fan of football or commercials; however I do happen to be a big fan of FOOD, in particular junk food. So of course I had to partake in the festivities.

Before the game, I called my sister and asked her which team to root for. This is because I hadn't watched a single game the entire season and didn't even know where the Cardinals (isn't that a baseball team?) are from. I knew nothing about the quarterbacks or the players. My sister told me just a few bits of information to convince me to root for the Cardinals: (1) they were the underdogs (later I saw why), (2) Kurt Warner has a bunch of kids, and I'm very partial to people who have a lot of kids, and (3) Kurt Warner is better-looking than Ben Roethlisberger.

I'm also very partial to Larry Fitzgerald because of that touching little bio they did on him before the game. Both he and his dad got all teary talking about his deceased mother, and anyone who cries on national TV over his mother has my vote for MVP. Also he has excellent taste in jewelry; those diamonds studs are the very things I would buy myself if I was earning a gazillion dollars.

Speaking of fashion, the trend for this year's football was clearly the long hair sported by Fitzgerald, his defensive teammate #90, and the big mean guy on the Steelers defense. Who would have thought that long hair, which usually conveys femininity, could make a person look so ferocious?

Don't get me started on the uniform. I know each piece of clothing has a functional purpose, but I also recognize Irony in steroid-injected men wearing knickerbockers over knee-high nylons. The fact that no one even smirks at the uniform shows just how inundated this nation is with football.

At the beginning of the game, they had a roll call where each player's head popped onscreen and gave his name and alma mater. I thought, who cares what school they went to? It would have been better if they gave some other piece of information, like their favorite flavor of ice cream. Or even better, the name of their mothers.

Before the game, they also showed an interview with Obama. His speech writers deserve a raise because his eloquence clearly comes scripted. Not that he's completely Bush-like, but his uhs, ands, and pauses demonstrate that the greatest orator of our time might just be the greatest actor of our time instead.

Finally, we get to the actual game itself. It really came down to the Steelers defense being good, the Cardinals defense being lousy, and the referees making the right calls. If those referees were calling a soccer game, they would most likely be dead by now. Of course we musn't forget that last play that's been replayed umpteen times showing Holmes channeling his inner ballerina.

I was surprised at how strict the penalties are. Ten yards for a hold? Come on, how else are you supposed to play defense if you can't hold a guy for a few seconds? And all those penalties for unnecessary roughness; is this football or sissy ball? But I guess the rules are needed for a bunch of steroid-pumped guys who sell drugs in their spare time. Except for Kurt Warner who does service messages for the disabled. Did you know he married a military divorcee, adopted her kids, and is still married to her?

I almost forgot the commercials because frankly most were forgettable. I liked the Bud commercials because of the Clydesdales. As far as I'm concerned, they could just have footage of them doing nothing but running, and that would be a hit with me. The husband liked the Doritos one where the office worker threw a crystal ball at the vending machine. I was pleasantly surprised by the lack of hooter women in the commercials. I guess they save it for their TV shows. My favorite commercial showed the cast of Heroes in a football game. In case you were blind and deaf during the game, Heroes is back on tonight. The Dumbest Commercial of the Game has got to go to that one about laughing your butt off.

In summary, kudos to Springsteen for doing moves that will land him in bed for the next week, kudos to NBC for putting together a good show, and kudos to our friends for hosting it and providing the most important part, the FOOD.