Friday, December 4, 2009

The Long Road to Assertiveness

Kid #1 asks me something, Kid #2 responds, "Oh, don't bother, she can't talk." The school labels me as a mute.

All my friends abandon me because a girl claimed that I stole something of hers. I don't deny it even though it's not true.

The first boy ever in my whole life "likes" me. I end up going with him despite him being a total loser.

The first boy ever in my whole life thinks I am pretty (wow, not just because I'm nice). I end up going with him despite him being a loser, though not as big of a loser as the first guy.

I decide that I don't really like him in that way and break it off.

After listening to him from 1 am to 5 am, I decide to give it another try.

Two days later, repeat 1989b.

One day later, repeat 1989c.

Stammered through presentation of research assignment.

Got drunk for the first and only time in my life because "friends" insisted it was the proper way to celebrate my 21st birthday. So-called friend ordered a Long Island iced tea. I subsequently slept through dinner.

After seeing us hang out together, Loser #2 warns the husband to stay away from me because I don't know my own mind.

First day as graduate teaching assistant. After my first class, a girl comes up to me and tells me in front of the whole class that "I am the worst teacher ever." Another girl feels sorry for me and says I was not that bad.

Was coerced to drink again by fellow graduate students. I did pick my own drink at least, after giving the bartender the third degree about which drink to order. Finally I ordered a fruity concoction which turned out to be nasty.

Presented thesis without embarrassing myself completely.

Frequently sent high schoolers to principal's office while substitute teaching because they so enjoyed torturing me. Towards the end of my subbing career, I would just bring a tape of Shawshank Redemption and make them watch it, not matter what subject I subbed.

Started attending a bible study with a conspiracy nut and an ex-stoner. Guess who offered the best answers to the pastor's questions.

Had 4 children. Started yelling nonstop a lot.

November 2009:
Reprimanded a student for his lame drawing of a flower. I told him: my 5 year old could do better than this (it was really that bad). He sputtered,"But that wasn't my part! My lab partner drew that, and I got it from him!"

I replied,"What, you got no brains of your own? If your partner had drawn a booger for a flower, would you have copied that?"

Yes, the road has been long but it's been worth it.