From the Love Guru

On conference day, I was eating lunch by myself at In-N-Out, trying to read my book when I couldn't help but eavesdrop on the conversation at the next table. It was packed, the tables were close together, and the mother & son were quite animated and difficult to ignore. I tried to read but my book about the effects of video games on children (pretty much all bad) was just not as interesting as what they were talking about. In fact, it took everything I had not to join in and give them a few words.

They were discussing his 20 year old girlfriend, Danni. Tim, who I would guess to be at least 25, was complaining to his mother about her. Danni works at the Long Beach aquarium and comes from a single parent household. Her mother has very old-fashioned about dating that Tim disagrees with. Unfortunately for him, Danni is an obedient daughter and listens to whatever her mother says. So Tim has to go out of his way to woo Danni, such as drive her home, which is a ways, instead of Danni just staying the night over at his place, which is only 10 minutes from her work. According to Tim, "It's not like we do anything." Yeah, right. And neither did Brad and Angelina.

His biggest gripe was how he always has to pick up the tab on their dates. During the 4 months that they've dated, she's maybe paid $5 total for a burger and some tacos. He went on and on about how he had to pay for this and pay for that. As far as I could tell, nothing was exorbitant. But still he griped on. And the mother just agreed with him (oh, that's so wrong, she doesn't realize how good she has it with you). She advised her son that he might have to break up with her over this, brought up a few of his past girlfriends (Kara and Lauren weren't like that), and said a couple of times, "Just wait until she has another boyfriend down the line. Then she and her mother will wish she was still with you."

This is why I was just bursting to butt in. Ha! She would find a better boyfriend than you in 10 seconds flat. You think you're all that? You're a mama's boy, not at all good-looking, and most of all a total cheapskate! Dude, if you can't even willingly part with a little bit of money, then you've got nothing else to give. Of all the things you'll have to give to your girlfriend, money is the least valuable. You're lucky to have her!

I was this close to giving it to them but somehow bit it all back. I'm very discreet that way. By the way, no names or job locations have been changed in the telling of this account.