Friday, December 4, 2009

The Long Road to Assertiveness

1976:
Kid #1 asks me something, Kid #2 responds, "Oh, don't bother, she can't talk." The school labels me as a mute.

1979:
All my friends abandon me because a girl claimed that I stole something of hers. I don't deny it even though it's not true.

1987:
The first boy ever in my whole life "likes" me. I end up going with him despite him being a total loser.

1989a:
The first boy ever in my whole life thinks I am pretty (wow, not just because I'm nice). I end up going with him despite him being a loser, though not as big of a loser as the first guy.

1989b:
I decide that I don't really like him in that way and break it off.

1989c:
After listening to him from 1 am to 5 am, I decide to give it another try.

1989d:
Two days later, repeat 1989b.

1989e:
One day later, repeat 1989c.

1991:
Stammered through presentation of research assignment.

1991:
Got drunk for the first and only time in my life because "friends" insisted it was the proper way to celebrate my 21st birthday. So-called friend ordered a Long Island iced tea. I subsequently slept through dinner.

1993:
After seeing us hang out together, Loser #2 warns the husband to stay away from me because I don't know my own mind.

1994:
First day as graduate teaching assistant. After my first class, a girl comes up to me and tells me in front of the whole class that "I am the worst teacher ever." Another girl feels sorry for me and says I was not that bad.

1995:
Was coerced to drink again by fellow graduate students. I did pick my own drink at least, after giving the bartender the third degree about which drink to order. Finally I ordered a fruity concoction which turned out to be nasty.

1996:
Presented thesis without embarrassing myself completely.

1997:
Frequently sent high schoolers to principal's office while substitute teaching because they so enjoyed torturing me. Towards the end of my subbing career, I would just bring a tape of Shawshank Redemption and make them watch it, not matter what subject I subbed.

1997:
Started attending a bible study with a conspiracy nut and an ex-stoner. Guess who offered the best answers to the pastor's questions.

2001-2006:
Had 4 children. Started yelling nonstop a lot.

November 2009:
Reprimanded a student for his lame drawing of a flower. I told him: my 5 year old could do better than this (it was really that bad). He sputtered,"But that wasn't my part! My lab partner drew that, and I got it from him!"

I replied,"What, you got no brains of your own? If your partner had drawn a booger for a flower, would you have copied that?"

Yes, the road has been long but it's been worth it.


1 comment:

Missy @ It's Almost Naptime said...

Don't you love being "old"? I am scared of NOBODY now. Well, almost. Usually. A lot less than before, anyway.